Monday, November 16, 2015

Sex War

Sex Positivity

Women and Gender Advocacy Center

There are two kinds of sex, classical and baroque. Classical sex is romantic, profound, serious, emotional, moral, mysterious, spontaneous, abandoned, focused on a particular person, and stereotypically feminine. Baroque sex is pop, playful, funny, experimental, conscious, deliberate, amoral, anonymous, focused on sensation for sensation's sake, and stereotypically masculine. The classical mentality taken to an extreme is sentimental and finally puritanical; the baroque mentality taken to an extreme is pornographic and finally obscene. Ideally, a sexual relation ought to create a satisfying tension between the two modes (a baroque idea, particularly if the tension is ironic) or else blend them so well that the distinction disappears (a classical aspiration).” - Susie Bright

According to WGAC (Women and Gender Adocacy Center) Sex positivity is the idea that all sex, as long as it is healthy and explicity consensual, is a positive thing. It aims to remove stigma and shame from all sexual choices.

As I read this article all that came to mind was the case of Rehtaeh Parson, and how when kids were asked what consent meant they did not know. They said that because she did not say no or fight them off that it was consensual. But how can you expect a drunk teenage girl who was vomiting to ward off anyone?  I sure hope that sex positivity is taught in schools along with sex education. Maybe then the number of rape and sexual abuse/bullying will decrease.

Then I read "Sex War: The Debate between Radical and Libertarian Feminists" by Ann Ferguson and wonder why there has to be different types feminists when it comes to sex? Isn't the main purpose of having sex a combination of both radical and libertarian views? Like Ferguson said "feminists should be free to choose between basic and risky practices without fear of moral condemnation from other feminists.

 I agree with Kitty Stryker when she said "It’s saddening to see us fighting each other, women who have been called prudes for asserting their sexual choices attacking women who have been called whores for asserting their sexual choices…and vice versa"

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Sexuality Study

Sexism even in women's clothing

Violence against women is everywhere

Tough Guise 2

Tough Guise 2

Violence, Manhood and American Culture
Dr. Jackson Katz

What Are Little Boys Made of?
Michael Kimmel

Dr Katz is an anti sexist male activist, gender violence prevention educator with men and boys.

In Tough Guise I Violence, Media and the Crisis in Masculinity, it claims that violence in video games, movies and in the media are responsible for violence against women committed by men. That a "real man" are the ones that portray that they are strong, powerful and tough and those who don't are considered ton be a wuss, wimp, weak, sissy. But is the "real man" image just a front that men put?

One comparison made to show how media has changed the way they portray Batman. Muscles went from being 12.2" to 26.8.


They also claim that domestic violence is due to men wanting to maintain control over women and women asserting to be treated equally.

In Part 2 of Tough Guise they discuss how there are 2 Americas regarding violence. One that recoils in horror and one that can't get enough as a form of entertainment.

It shows how violence is a men issue when you look at the statistics:

86% of armed robberies, 99% of rapes, 90% of murders, and 86% of domestic violence are committed by men. 

Tough Guise 2 and the article by Michael Kimmel, What Are Little Boys Made of? Dr James Gilligan says that the reason men/boys turn to violence is because of fear of being shamed, disrespected or humiliated. He states that " Violence has more to do with the cultural construction of manhood than it does with the hormonal substrates of biology". Just as we are not born sexist, homophobic or racist, we are not born violent.   One day after class, as I was driving home, I noticed a sticker on a car:
Image result for frederick douglass quotes

One of the things that bothers me when someone commits a crime automatically they are sent for a psych evaluation. The media blames mental illness, guns, video games, substance abuse, guns, lead in homes, dysfunctional family but they don't blame the men that commit the crime. Why is it that women who are not immune to the causes the media claims to be the problem don't commit half as much as the number of crimes men do? 

Luke Woodham, a 16 year old that committed murder at a Pearl High School in Pearl, Mississippi because he was ridiculed, beaten and hated by his peers, said "I am not insane, I am angry. I killed because people like me are mistreated everyday." He also believed that "murder is not weak and slow witted, murder is gutsy and daring." I believe it is cowardly.

Jonathan Salisbury and David Jackson believe that "masculine violence is intentional, deliberate and purposeful." That "it comes from an attempt by men and boys to create and sustain a system of masculine power and control that benefits them in every minute of the day. Forget testosterone; it's sexism." Yes, I feel it is a choice men make in order to keep control. I also believe that it is more manly to walk away from a violent situation than to engage in it.

Lesbian making more money than straight women

This article I added to the blog:

Compulsory Heterosexuality and Lesbian Existence

China ends one child policy

This blog is an update on the one child policy in China that I spoke about in blog It's a Girl.

Cinderella Ate My Daughter

Cinderella Ate My Daughter 

Peggy Orenstein

Peggy Orenstein is asking the correct questions when she asked "What do the toys we give our girls, the pinkness in which they are steeped, tell us about what we are telling them? What do they say about who we think they are and ought to be?

I believe it all starts with the parents as I have mentioned in previous blog Generation M. While the media and marketing tactics do influence children on what toys they "want" ultimately, the parents are the ones that purchase the toys the children play with. The parents are the ones that teach children what is considered to be an appropriate "girl" or "boy" toy, behavior, clothes. So yes, I do believe like Orenstein that nature is truly dominant over media when it comes to influencing kids.

I was never really into dolls, I was considered a "tomboy" growing up, therefor I stayed clear of dolls, especially Barbie dolls. Not because I thought it would send a message to my daughter but because I knew that the expense would not stop there. Unfortunately, my sister bought my daughter her first Barbie doll and of course she wanted the house, the car, the jeep etc.....Luckily by the time I had my second daughter all traces of Barbie were gone. My second daughter has never asked for any type of doll and I now wonder is it because I never asked or because she had older brothers and enjoyed playing with their toys?

As far as Disney Princess goes, they are just now at age 19 and 13 watching the remakes of the Disney Princess movies.  Again, I did not encourage what type of movies they should watch. If they asked if they could watch a movie and I felt it was appropriate they were allowed. They did watch Disney movies but not the ones specifically about Princesses.

The color pink is also a color I did encourage my daughter's to wear. I let them pick out their own clothes since the age of 3 when they started pre-school. The only time I asked them to dress nice was when we had a formal function and the holidays but I never called them a "Princess". I don't wear a lot of makeup either so they don't particularly care for makeup either.

Therefore, People need to stop putting the blame on media and companies and take responsibility for any insecurities their children might feel. Companies and the media are not going to stop producing the toys and showing "sexy" advertising if we as consumer continue to buy the products. And if we do allow our daughters to play with these products and see the movies, we need to make sure they know it's not real, it's all a fantasy. Teach them to love themselves for who they are and how they look. I known it's easier said than done but it needs to start at home.

Found "If Princess Were Real" to be quite entertaining.


Unslut  Documentary 
October 28, 2015 

Emily Linden

This documentary uses personal stories of women/girls who have been the victims of sexual bullying and "slut shaming"and interviews with sexuality experts. It demonstrates the effects it has on the victims. It is hopefully able to promote gender equality, positive sexual experience and better sex education classes for students of all ages.

The idea for the documentary came from Emily Linden, who had started where she wrote about her experience in middle school. Throughout middle school Emily was sexually bullied online and in person simply because she let her boyfriend put his hands down her pants.

There were a couple of quotes that really stuck in my mind.

1.  Dr Hernando Chaves who promotes  sex positive studies said " This isn't simply a female issue it's also a male issue and really a human issue.  A great example is the recent viral video of a man being "sexually assaulted" by two women at a gas station.

2.  Criminologist, Freda Adler said "Rape is the only crime where the victim becomes the accused".  There were 2 examples in this documentary that shows exactly how true this is.

Samantha Gaily Geimer was publicly shamed by the media after she was drugged and raped by director Roman Polanski at the age of 13.

Gina Tron, was beaten, choked and raped was accused of "asking for it" because of appearance and the way she dressed.  They used pictures from Facebook to prove their case, without knowing the circumstances for the pictures. 

The saddest story that was talked about was Rehtaeh Parsons. It showed that sexual bullying and "slut" shaming has real consequences. Girls have a higher risk of becoming depressed, committing suicide or developing self harming behaviors. In Rehtaeh's case she was never the same, she lost a sense of who she was, was afraid to leave the house, started using drugs and became suicidal eventually taking her own life after being bullied for more than a year after being gang raped.

Mike Foley a former wrestler who volunteers his time at RAINN (Rape Abuse Incest National Network) said "What's heartbreaking about slut shaming and sexual violence is that 100% of these incidents are avoidable. We can stop it, it just takes a little bit of effort and the most basic human decency." So when are they going to start talking more about sexual violence and slut shaming in schools. If the kids are old enough to learn about sex education, shouldn't they be old enough to learn the consequences of their actions.

Like Dr Shira Tarrant said "Once we start noticing, we can't stop noticing. We cannot not see the "slut" shaming that is everywhere in our culture". I must admit I have been guilty of "slut" shaming without considering I was doing it.  Who has seen a girl/woman dressed provocatively and not made a comment?

Sunday, November 1, 2015

I'm Not Fat, I'm Latina

I'm Not Fat, I'm Latina

Christy Haubegger

"Real self-esteem cannot come from male attention alone."

This article is so true and made me laugh.  I had the opposite problem but I embraced my skinniness. My nickname was "Flaca" which means skinny. I was always underweight but I didn't feel any shame, I accepted the fact that I was skinny, the only thing I wish I had were bigger boobs, but I improvised with padded bras. Today, I am anything but "Flaca" and it seems that everyone that knew me in my skinny days tell me how much better I look with some meat on my bones. It took me having 4 kids to finally be of normal weight. I left the hospital wearing my own jeans for my first three pregnancies but for the fourth I needed my then husband's jeans. And yes while "food is a central part of Hispanic culture" my diet has not changed but my metabolism sure has. This was a big adjustment for me because I was not used to the extra weight, I felt fat not healthy. When people tell me how good I look, I immediately think " oh God, I'm so fat". But, I have come to accept my new figure.

Magazines should be classified as "fantasy" just like movies especially nowadays with all the Photoshopping being done on pictures. Anyone can look beautiful if they had a make up artist, hairdresser and nice clothes.